What’s your preferred way of acknowledging and moving that angry energy? 👊🏻
Based on the number of DMs I got in response to posting this on stories — from people who were also taught that feeling / talking about / demonstrating anger was unsafe, or wrong, or bad, or mean … PARTICULARLY for women or people from marginalized groups — well let’s just say it made me want to go chuck that ball at the wall a dozen more times 🙃🤬
It’s not like this is breaking news
But perhaps what may feel like news is that anger is a normal & healthy human emotion
It took me a long time — well into my 30’s — to learn that
Up until then, I honestly thought I didn’t experience anger (except in extreme circumstances) and therefore because I also didn’t express it, I was good, tolerant, patient, self responsible, and maybe even kind of righteous <gulp. Not proud of that 😳>
But this is what I learned growing up. I also learned that when I received someone else’s anger, it was better to just placate or please (I.e. Fawn) and “take the high road.”
For me, all that invisible anger turned inward. It lived behind disease and anxiety. It has also allowed people to repeatedly take advantage of me and my gifts.
Which is anything but healthy.
But I was doing the best I could. It was all I knew.
I think the real distinction to make is that there is a difference between feeling and expressing anger in a healthy and productive way, doing so in a covert or overt way that harms others, and doing it in a way that consciously or unconsciously harms ourselves.
We are all wired for all 3. And for a lot of us — we only ever learned the latter two.
Often times it takes the brave act of working with a helping or healing professional to discover that anger is actually OK, and develop mastery for how to be with and relate to anger in a healthy way.
And I believe the more we talk about it, the easier it gets to feel safe around anger
On that note — if watching this video left you feeling uncomfortable or maybe even a touch judgy about seeing me angry — I feel you! Been there. AND —perhaps that is an invitation to consider what your relationship is with anger, too, my friend 😘
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