You can be smart or pretty
You can be smart or sexy
You can be smart or have big emotions
You can be smart or be good at sport
You can be smart or have a boyfriend
You can be smart or be the life of the party
…but you can’t be both (or all)
For all the people — especially women — who know you’re gifted in MANY ways, but believe you have to pick an “or” …
… and oftentimes that “or” casts a shadow on who you really are
Or you apologize for, hide, or downplay your “and’s” so others won’t feel insecure around you
For all the people who feel like you’re not good enough BECAUSE you don’t seem to fit into the mainstream world because of your exceptional abilities — but when you talk about this you’re told you’re being ungrateful and “people would kill to have the talent you do” … which only makes you want to hide yourself more
I see you
I get you
Feeling shame for shining doesn’t cancel out gratitude for it. It’s not an OR.
You can feel both at once.
I also see you as you now see how these same impossible “either/or” standards affect your talented and gifted children — and you do everything in your power to protect them from the embarrassment you once felt for having a big mind, big heart, big talents AND big success.
And yet — despite all you do — you still see them purposely dumbing themselves down, apologizing for winning (again) AND crying when they aren’t invited to a friend’s party because they are the tender AND nerdy kid
And it’s not wrong for you to want minimize your successes AND want to belong because of them
This is very human — we need to belong as much as we need oxygen
It’s not wrong to look at the mainstream and “popular” world from the outside, secretly wishing you could “just be normal” for once
It’s not wrong to talk about this, even if you think you sound arrogant or ungrateful
You get to be ALL of the things at once — smart, talented, gorgeous, AND empathetic.
AND you get to wish you belonged somewhere that accepts you for ALL of you
That place is here. You belong here—
The place of Less “OR”
and More “AND”
I love all of your “AND’s”, Queen 👑
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