I'm here to sink AND swim

Twenty years ago I cried in this library because I thought I’d never make it.

Today I return with a completely different story.

I’m in one of the most beautiful libraries on the planet: the Gothic Reading Room at Duke University.

This place is my muse. A place I dream about.

Where I spent years cutting my teeth, discovering myself, scribbling orgo equations, writing psych papers, passing notes (actual paper ones, not texts!), and crying over Physics II, terrified I wouldn’t get into PT school

Nearly 20 years ago, I sat in this quiet room every day with some of the most ambitious minds and souls, doing everything I could to launch my career.

Today, I walked in, snagged my usual corner seat, and promptly dropped my phone. It bounced LOUD.

Heads turned. Eyes rolled.

It was oh so cringey. And therefore—perfect.

Because I’m human and it happens. But also I was making a statement

Ever since I set foot on this campus 23 years ago, I knew I was surrounded by my people. The gifted, the intense, the sensitive, the deep. World changers.

And also - people who live in a Sink or Swim world

I used to live that way too—doing everything to rise higher, faster, stronger

And I lost myself in the process

This morning, as I looked in the mirror, I felt 18-year-old me whispering: “You still belong here. But there’s a new story to tell.”

I saw the girl who came here as a collegiate swimmer to literally Sink or Swim.

I saw her now—with more lines around her eyes, a scar on her chest, and a collarbone half missing.

A woman who learned—through Cancer, through life—that the power to rise comes not from always swimming—

But from allowing ourselves to sink

Sink old narratives


Sink old identities


Sink conformity and conditioning


Sink into the hidden, dark, true stories

Sink into the cringiest parts of ourselves

Because that’s where we find the gold

It’s not glamorous or easy. It’s not applauded by most (except me)

But it’s real, true, and if you know, you know.

This morning, I dropped my phone in a quiet study hall—and felt the sink of shame AND the rise of self assurance

Because I’m not just here to swim anymore.

I’m here to Sink AND Swim.